Truth, Lie and Funny (revised a little due to a boring crit)

I worked at a Diner during my senior year of high school as a waitress. It's called the Warminster West Diner in Warminster PA.  It was a pretty brutal job, i worked everyday except saturday  from 4-11 on top of going to school.  While it was stressful i definitely took a lot of memories away with me like the time: 

I spilled an entire tray of coffee on a square- dancing grandma.  There was this group of old couples who came in every tuesday night, it was always after square dancing because they would come in with their stupid outfits like 20 minutes before our shifts were over.  If you've ever waitressed you know this is one of the biggest pain in the ass maneuvers a customer could pull cause it meant you HAD to take their table which could take upwards of an hour and a half with all their gossip, talk of grandkids and what not.  Even if someone on the next shift came in you could not leave until all your checks were closed.  Now this particular tuesday along with most tuesdays were especially stressful, tuesday was split pea soup night which was very popular among the over 55 group who had nothing better to do then come in and bitch about how it was better last week and it really needs to be much hotter their cynicism paired with their tips often left in change, single dollar bills and prayer cards was often too much to handle.  Anyway the group which contained at least half a dozen couples took joy in ordering just soup a tiny salad, packet of crackers or dessert all on individual checks usually in all totaling about 25 bucks. The one consistency was hot beverages.  At my old restaurant and here as well it was always hand carried, i hated trays and only used them for big parties beverage orders, the 10 cups of freshly brewed coffee however proved to be a little uneven and too heavy since when I came behind one of the ladies the entire thing spilt on her shoulder and chest.  Immediately she and all the other women began to freak out.  They rushed her off to the bathroom where they insisted she should be safe and get it checked out at the hospital.  They had made such a huge deal that i felt so bad and was scared shitless that I would get fired or they were going to sue me that when they called me to the table afterwards I started to cry in hopes it would deter their lawyers.  When it was all said and done the diner just paid the woman's dry cleaning bill and i made sure my availability no longer included tuesdays.

As I'm sure you can imagine we get some real pain in the ass customers, for instance George and Florence an old married couple who were regulars that came in for breakfast lunch and dinner daily.  Florence had the keenest nose that no decaf black coffee brewed more then 30 minutes prior to their arrival could pass.  Since it was a diner our regulars made up about half our business; for better or worse.  So it should come as no shock that like most restaurants and confirming the well spread rumor our cooks would spit on the not so nice customers plates.  More often though it was common practice to hock an especially big one for plates returned.  The revenge of watching them eat is truly sweet.  I always felt especially bad for those coming in during the wee hours of the night.  It was more times then not one waitress and one cook running the place.  Despite the poorly prepared often cold food the absolute WORST case was when the slutty, terribly ugly overnight waitress decided that her loyal boyfriend who came often to visit her during her shifts was "too small" for liking turned to the other white meat; our overnight Mexican chef Fernando.  Sadly the acts of their torrid affair were committed on both the grill and in the walk in freezer among the cole slaw and assorted puddings

Despite all the memories and love I had for the West it all came to an end on one particularly rebellious Wednesday.  I have always been inclined to peircings and it had always been a sore subject when i was asked to take those on my face off.  Having roughly half a dozen peircings at the time this was never an easy task.  My job had been threatened before for my plugs (ears) gauged at 00 because they were red which didn't match my uniform.  Summer was rapidly approaching and as the weeks passed I didn't really value my job anymore.  Something about green striped button downs and black polyester pants didn't really scream senior summer to me.  In the previous weeks looking for a small show of character in this not so attractive garb i got the underneath of my hair dyed.  It was a dark red and had turned out bad and went unnoticed so on my day off a couple weeks later I decided to do it myself buying a particularly well named "virgin rose" pink.  It looked awesome and was definitely the edge i needed for work.  Sadly neither Peachy, the manager or Jimmy, the owner shared my great taste in  color.  When taken off the floor in the middle of placing an order and screamed at to change it back in the kitchen or I woulden't have a job my non compliance was enough for the two to fire me based on "two-tone hair"